In a daring coup for Cheap Shot! and local music webzines everywhere, we convinced Rodney Anonymous (nee Rodney Anonymous Mellancamp, Rodney Amadeus Anonymous, H.P. Hovercraft, and, our favorite, Trad. Arr) to submit to an e-mail interview. Actually, there was no daring coup involved. Despite his reputation as the smart-assed frontman of the Dead Milkmen, Rodney is sincere and approachable. In addition to his time with the Milkmen, Rodney also performed in the celtic-gothic-folk-rockish band, Burn Witch Burn, with his wife Vienna. He currently writes for City Paper, as well as on his website, Rodney Anonymous Tells You How to Live. Have a look! But first, have a look at this entertaining and informative interview.

CS: How are you? What are you up to today? What’s for dinner?

Rodney: Mah thik hu, sukriya. Vienna and I ate dinner at Tritone with friend. Since I don’t eat meat, I had the Vegan burger. Bill, the chef at Tritone, is total gawdhead, by the way.

CS: I’ve really enjoyed reading the “Aid or Invade” column you’ve been doing for City Paper. How did you get involved with them? Had you ever done any traditional journalism (whatever that means) prior to this?

Rodney: Pat Rapa, the music editor, and a genuinely hilarious guy, invited me to a City Paper party. Pat and I met when he wrote the story for the CP about the memorial shows for Dave Blood. Well, Pat asked me to pitch an idea for a column. I wrote down three ideas and pitched the craziest, which happened to be “Aid or Invade” first. As for traditional journalism, well, I don’t know how “traditional” this might have been, but I was a reporter on the Paul Kircher Show on WWDB. That was more fun than anyone should have ever been allowed by law to have. I got to speak with my hero James Randi twice and I got to piss off Oliver North.

CS: On your blog at rodneyanonymous.com, you recently made your feelings known about the effect of the Rocky franchise on Philadelphia’s already suffering image. Does part of you wish you could’ve been the staff member to review Rocky Balboa, if only to hand Sylvester Stallone’s ass to him in print?

Rodney: I have more of a beef with Stallone’s mother Jackie, who claims to be able to tell peoples’ fortunes by looking at Xeroxes of their asses. Think I’m kidding? Check out http://www.jacquelinestallone.com/rumps.html. My main problem with the character of Rocky Balboa is that people keep calling him an “underdog”. Since when, in twenty-first century America, is a semi-literate jock an underdog? People would vote for a guy like that for President. Show me an intellectual Atheist and I’ll show you an underdog.

CS: You’ve mentioned several times that Philadelphia formerly was the “Athens of America,” intelligent and full of promise. Nowadays - well, not so much. What’s there to actually be proud of in present-day Philly?

Rodney: Well, there’s still plenty to be proud of: a vibrant music scene, Pig Iron Theater, The Valerie Salinas Players, R5 Productions, Exhumed Films, and more sarcastic smartasses per square foot than any other city in the world. The dumbest Philadelphian (Now believed to be Mayor John Street) is still twice as smart as the average New Yorker and ten times brighter than anyone in Alabama.

CS: Most references to politics in Dead Milkmen songs tend to be pretty tongue-in-cheek. “Born to Love Volcanos” (from Beelzebubba) is a surprising exception. Did you write these lyrics? If so, I take it you don’t have any PBS tote bags lying around your house.

Rodney: Yes I wrote the lyrics, but, no, I don’t have a PBS tote bag. I just awoke one morning with Krakatoa on my mind: it “blowed up real good”.

CS: When the Milkmen appeared on MTV's 120 Minutes, why did you guys decide to play “The Puking Song,” (a b-side) and not one of your singles / video hits?

Rodney: We never understood why people went on TV and played their hits. Sure, on the one hand it’s what people expect/want you to do. On the other hand, you can hear the hits anywhere, so we thought it might be nice to play something that most people hadn’t heard. When I go to see Laibach live I expect them to do “god Is God”, but when I see them on TV, they’d better be covering Springsteen.

CS: Were the paranoid characters in songs like "Stuart," "I Against Osbourne," "Peter Bazooka," etc. based on anyone you knew?

Rodney: I’ve always been fascinated by the crazy shit that people will believe. The fact that there are millions of people running around the planet who believe The Protocols of the Elders of Zion are authentic speaks sadly of our species. For me, paranoid tinfoil hat-wearing nutjobs stopped being fun once they began getting elected to public office.

CS: Have you noticed that you and Joe are practically the only two singers from the area who actually SOUND like they’re from Philadelphia when they sing? The accent is nothing to be ashamed of!

Rodney: Accent? It’s everybody else who has an accent. Joe and I speak the way people everywhere should speak. If Philadelphia is the birthplace of America, and the world is an extension of the USA, shouldn’t everyone have a Philly accent?

CS: Did Burn Witch Burn play many live shows? What sort of crowd did you bring in?

Rodney: BWB played a least 30 live shows – maybe as many as 50. I’m very, very proud of that band: it was like nothing that came before or has shown up since. The great thing about the crowds was that most of ‘em had no idea what to expect from us. The last few shows were the best – we definitively went out on top.

CS: What venue - past or present - was your favorite to play in the Philadelphia area?

Rodney: Fergies, the Troc, the Khyber ... never had a bad show in Philly.

CS: Any good local artists we should know about?

Rodney: I’m a big fan of Live Not on Evil, Carnival of Shame, Sideshow Prophets, John Train, Low Budgets ... Jebuz, I know I’m forgetting a ton of bands who are all going to kick my ass for not mentioning them.

CS: Just saw it on TV so it’s official...Nancy Pelosi is going to be sworn in as Speaker of the House. Thoughts?

Rodney: She should’ve placed her hand on a copy of the Quran – that would’ve caused Virgil Goode’s melon-like head to explode.

CS: As a member of the Green Party, what do you think about Carl Romanelli being forbidden to run in the 2006 PA US Senate race? Some feel it won Bob Casey Jr. the election.

Rodney: Where do I start with this fiasco? Do you know how many signatures it takes on a petition to get a Republican or a Democrat (Republicrat) on the ballot in PA? 2,000 measly signatures. And to get a “Third party” candidate on the ballot? This time out, it was 100,000. Romanelli was the ONLY candidate for Senator who was anti-war and pro-choice. Wouldn’t you have liked the choice of voting for someone like that? Even if you’re for the war and against abortion, don’t you think that there should be a clear choice on the ballot? Bob Casey Jr.’s entire campaign can be summed up with “I’m not Rick Santorum”. What a stupid shit.

CS: And finally...Toto or Asia? You MUST pick one!

Rodney: Despite the fact that they were savaged by Frank Zappa on “Joe’s Garage”, I’m going with Toto. But only because, when I was in High School, I had a crush on a girl who always wore a Toto t-shirt...which she... um...“filled out” rather nicely. Odd how I would remember something like that after a over a quarter of a century. Maybe that says something about the power women have over men.

CS: Anything else you’d like to add?

Rodney: One last thing: We’re having a mayoral election this year here in Philly and it’s extremely likely the Green Party will have a candidate in that race. I’d like all of you to register to vote and to vote for the Green Party candidate. Even if we run a brick of cheese, it’ll still be better than whoever the Republicrats put forth.